46 thats right ... 46

46 ... the number of times I put Abby back in her bed within 30 minutes. Abby has had a difficult time staying in bed and it was getting pretty ridiculous. So, Miriam and I tried a different approach. Miriam read somewhere that a couple had a similar problem and solved it by not talking to the child, or conceding to any demands, but just putting the child back in bed over and over and over and over again.
2 weeks ago, on Friday night we decided to try this. We would alternate taking her back to bed. It quickly became apparent that the alternating approach wasn't going to work. It took like 20 seconds (long enough to pick Abby up, carry her up the stairs, and put her back in bed) for me to accomplish my turn BUT it took Miriam like 10 minutes. We finally got Abby to bed after Miriam lay with her for a little bit. We decided that I would be the one to take her back to bed every time the following night.
What ensued the following Saturday night was an adventurous 30 minutes for me and quite a hard time for Miriam. I had to put Abby back to bed 46 times in 30 minutes. Abby was in a state like I had never seen her. She yelled, screamed, kicked, threw, scratched, and ran for 30 solid minutes.
My approach was quite simple ... don't talk with her (she knows what to do), don't concede to any of her demands (throwing a fit to get what she wants isn't a kind of behavior we want to teach), be as gentle as possible, and NEVER LOSE MY TEMPER ... stay cool.

The first 2 times of putting her back in bed weren't so bad but it quickly took a nosedive. Abby was screaming and yelling uncontrollably. Some of her frequent phrases were

• "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo DDDAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaddddddddy!"
• " I want my mommy!"
• "Stop it!"
• "No daddy, no daddy, no daddy" repeat 100 times
• "moooommmmmmmmmmmmy"
• "Can you lie with me?"
• "I don't like daddy"

I was scratched, kicked, and the target of a thrown sippy cup (3 times). Sometimes I didn't even make it out of the room before she tried running past me. Other times she would wait 15 seconds before coming out (screaming the whole time). She tried to run away, slam our bedroom door on me, and then hide. Other times she just stood there pleading with me while writhing around on the floor. Each and every time I calmly picked her up and took her back to her bed. I said a total of less than 10 -14 words to her the whole time. Finally after one stand off in the bathroom, she said, "I'm ready to go to bed daddy" and that was the end of it.

When I came back downstairs, Miriam was visibly a little shaken by the whole deal as she could hear everything and Abby was screaming for her often. I was able to stay calm and gentle the whole time because I knew this was a battle of wills. This was Abby testing me (it's just built into kids). She wanted her way ... she wanted to stay up ... she made excuse after excuse to avoid going to sleep ... and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it. Would I let her control the situation and give in to her rantings? Absolutely not. And honestly, the whole thing was pretty easy for me. I really feel blessed that I was able to recognize this for the battle of wills that it was. I didn't feel that bad because I knew Abby had to learn that bed time meant bed time and that her temper tantrum wasn't going to get her what she wanted. I told Miriam that I could have done that for another 6 hours because I knew I had to outlast her ... I had to win this battle of wills so Abby knew the boundaries. I made an internal vow right then that if I could recognize that a battle of wills with one of kids was going on, that I would not lose ... period.
And after our little battle of the wills, for two weeks, Abby has been going to bed with no issues. It worked!
And if she tries that tactic again ... I'll be ready .. calm and patient but absolutely resolute and firm.